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Porch Sitting vs Porch Sleeping

Porch Sitting vs Porch Sleeping

US Senate report says Haiti rebuilding has stalled - Boston.com

US Senate report says Haiti rebuilding has stalled

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — Haiti has made little progress in rebuilding in the five months since its earthquake, because of an absence of leadership, disagreements among donors and general disorganization, a U.S. Senate report says.

Obtained Monday by The Associated Press, the eight-page report is meant to give Congress a picture of Haiti today as U.S. legislators consider authorizing $2 billion to support the country's reconstruction.

That picture is grim: Millions displaced from their homes, rubble and collapsed buildings still dominating the landscape. Three weeks into hurricane season, with tropical rains lashing the capital daily, construction is being held up by land disputes and customs delays while plans for moving people out of tent-and-tarp settlements remain in "early draft form," it says.

The report was written by staff of Sen. John Kerry, the Massachuetts Democrat who is chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, and other Democrats who interviewed U.S., Haitian, United Nations and other officials and visited resettlement camps, hospitals and schools throughout the quake zone.

"While many immediate humanitarian relief priorities appear to have been met, there are troubling signs that the recovery and longer term rebuilding activities are flagging," said the report, which is scheduled to be released Tuesday.

Three times it says the rebuilding process has "stalled" since the Jan. 12 disaster.

The report also criticizes the government of Haitian President Rene Preval and Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive, saying it has "not done an effective job of communicating to Haitians that it is in charge and ready to lead the rebuilding effort." The report calls on Preval to take a "more visible and active role, despite the difficulties."

Bellerive responded to the criticism in a Monday interview with the AP. He said officials are working hard behind the scenes to ensure reconstruction does not simply mean the rebuilding of barely livable slums.

"We understand the impatience and we are the ones more frustrated than anybody," the prime minister said. "It took some time. I believe four months (since a U.N. donors' conference in March) to plan the refoundation from such a disaster is pretty acceptable."

With a chuckle, he also said it is unfair for U.S. officials to take him to task when the Senate still has not approved aid money that Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton promised at the donors' conference.

"They ask me to move more projects when the money is still on hold," Bellerive said.

In all, just 2 percent of the $5.3 billion in near-term aid pledges have actually been delivered, up from 1 percent last week.

The report expresses concerns that even once the money is in hand, it will not move quickly enough to help. The funds are managed by a 26-member reconstruction commission led by Bellerive and former U.S. President Bill Clinton that started its operations last week.

While the report calls the commission the "best near-term prospect for driving rebuilding," it also says the panel "has the potential to dramatically slow things down through cumbersome bureaucratic obstacles at a time when Haiti cannot afford to delay."

The report notes disagreements among donors over strategy, approach and priorities, saying the disputes "are undercutting recovery and rebuilding."

The reconstruction panel includes representatives of donors who pledged at least $100 million in cash or $200 million of debt relief, including the United States, Venezuela, Brazil, Canada, the European Union, the Inter-American Development Bank and the World Bank.

Bellerive said the report's criticism that the panel has been too slow in organizing is already moot. "We had a meeting, we have an office, we have administrative support," he said.

One thing on which all parties agree is the importance of November elections. The legislature has almost entirely dissolved after members' terms expired because the quake forced the cancellation of February legislative elections. Preval's five-year term ends next February; an attempt to prolong his term by several months if elections are not held resulted in protesters clashing with police in front of the ruins of the presidential palace.

Failing to hold the November elections on time, even despite the losses of the electoral commission's headquarters and records, could imperil "Haiti's fragile democracy," the report says. But it expresses limited optimism that a plan for holding the vote is "apparently imminent."

Copyright © 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved

Haiti: Journal Entry #16

I've been sick for a week. I started getting really frustrated this past weekend because I haven't been able to "do" as much as I'd like to be doing here. In fact, this whole trip has been quite the reverse from what most of us expected. Just how much rest He has given us and how tired we all are became very apparent when the four teams converged and shared what they've been "doing". Most teams are building, doing VBS', etc. Most teams are in bed by 8pm and up at 5am. We in Uncaged, on the other hand, are up late into the night and don't have to be at breakfast until 8am.

I started feeling really useless in that comparison. And now with my voice gone because I'm sick, I haven't even been able to translate/talk for the team - the one real skill I've felt able to bring to the table here. I physically cannot speak. I've felt God saying to be still for some time but today I'm forced to be still because of being sick and loosing my voice - I'm actually separated from everyone, in a back room by myself while they are out working on the wall.

And then today, with the sicknesss and no voice and forced rest/alone time, it all starts coming together. I feel somewhere in the past few months that "doing" has become more important to me than "being".

That serving has become my identity.

Like God will love me less if I'm not out there serving, or I have to make up for past mistakes and wanderings away from Him by doing more now.

Wow.

It hits me like a load of bricks, realizing these things I've been walking in without realizing it.

And I knew before the trip that I needed to rest. But i kept on taking on more so how ironic to bring me here and get me sick to really force me to sit down and be with Him in order to get it through my thick skull that all this time, I still haven't fully grasped the gospel of G-R-A-C-E!!

It seems like God is trying to impress the message on me that He wants to carry me into a new season - one of relationship and becoming who I am in Christ, not in my serving, not in my external relationships and obligations... and a season to learn how He, God, the maker of heaven and earth, feels about me (ME?!?!) outside of my serving Him, regardless of anything I do for Him. What the heck was I thinking....without knowing I was thinking it... God doesn't need me... He wants me... and sometimes it is more glorifying to stop and be with him than to be doing things for Him.

I can barely wrap my mind around this right now. The weight of grace is on me. How did I miss this for so long...

Haiti: Journal Entry #15

Three of our teams converged yesterday and took a bus to a place called Jacmel, on the ocean, for a weekend off. Funny how we've become family and stayed pretty much to our own teams for the most part...The air and ocean here are clear, warm, and turquoise blue. I'm having a hard time staying focused on the present. I keep getting pulled into the unknown of the future. So many of us are headed into the unknown. For me, its not knowing if I'll have work. Needing a new roommate (I got an email from one of mine saying she's moving out in August). I don't know what the Fall will look like at all. Am I going to be called to go somewhere else or stay in San Diego? This place feels more real then life back in California... I don't want to leave. I'm by no means saying its perfect here. It is a wasteland and that is hard to walk through but the community of love here... the relationships that are being built with the kids and each other are so precious. Talking with the other teams I realise how privileged we've been to be at RENMEN. I almost fee l like we haven't been "working" because most of the physical stuff we've started keeps running into road blocks. But, I really feel like our ministry has been relational - for RENMEN but also between each other. Last night after everyone went to bed our team decided to take Florence's (Mama's) brother up on his offer to take us out. Just the ten of us.... at the end of the night Tiffany and Sammy Jo ended up in the ocean in the dark... somehow I feel more free and liberated here. But I'm SO quiet. I feel like there is still part of me holding back from letting people really know me. I haven't got a clue why... part of it maybe is I'm afraid of attachment and leaving people, of being left. I have this overwhelming fear that's been built up from my past. But I am careful to remember the people who have stayed for the long run, too... but not physically. All the people I've gotten closest too have physically left. I'm tired of being alone. I'm worn out from "independence". The truth of that is hitting me. I'm really exhausted of building relationships and having people leave/move. I know that's life. I know God can use people to love me where I am at different times and for different lengths of times, but my fear of people leaving and of being hurt has become almost crippling, , not letting me let anyone get real, get close. I guess I believe everyone leaves but Christ. This might be true, but I also know it doesn't mean I should build walls to keep people out and be alone... I know we are called to community. But reality is my walls are still up. I'm struggling....

Renmen

Read more about Renmen Home here. Photos are added here from our team on a regular basis.

Haiti: Journal Entry #14

Yesterday Papouch & father Michel took us into the tent cities for the first time. The first thing I notices was the walls.

They do not want outsiders coming in.

All eyes were on us, even with Papouch.

We sat down with the leaders of this community who wanted to know our "objective". No one seems to understand that our only "objective" is to sit and pray with the people. I can see why, however, to them that seems crazy. This is their life. Now a show. Not something you walk through to look at and leave. We broke off from Heather who was talking with the leaders because it was too difficult with 1o of us, it was feeling like an interrogation. So, the rest of us stated to sing and play with the kids that had gathered around. Half clothed children. Severely malnourished. Somehow, during this time she got permission for us to walk through this wasteland to pray. Maybe it had something to do with them seeing us interact with children. By this time, a large group of adults had joined in the circle we made. I was teaching them a clapping/singing game I learned in girl scouts wayyy back a long time ago.

We said goodbye and began walking with Papouch and a couple of the leaders through the gamp. Garbage everywhere. Tarp tents without windows in muddy dirt. Broken bottles, garbage, feces... all that kids, half clothed, were walking through barefoot as they trailed along with us. I had a really hard time interacting with them because I had to keep detached to avoid breaking down right there. At the end we saw Samaritans purse tarps and were told they were building schools. The first signs of rebuilding at least were focused on the kids. But where were the kids? We had a dozen maybe with us but in a tent city of 1,400 they told us there are approximately 750 children.... They tell us 500 homes have been promised to be built here. What will happen to the rest of the people? No answer was given when I tried to ask how they decide who will get homes, and who will have to leave. There are radio towers in the middle of the camp that act as lightening rods. Virtually no working government so the tent cities have established their own governing committees. Corruption. My heart is so heavy. But, on the mountains in the distance that we can see from the tent city there are rocks that are placed in the shape of a cross. A sign of hope.

We walked out to the streets in the head of the day to head to the next site. I saw butterflies. I keep seeing butterflies.

Papouch took us to a building, some other kind of foundation, to get water and take a break from the heat. I broke down when the woman in charge explained how food is a privileged in Haiti. How it should be an obligation to feed children, but that it is a privilege. My heart breaks for a place where the experience of love is a privilege. God loves everyone. As family in Christ we are called to love in His name. I know we want to give them something lasting beyond the physical but we are also called to clothe & feed the poor, the orphans, the widows... Love people tangibly as an act of worship and through that being Christ's love and build relationships that point to him... Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.~ Matt 25:40

Haiti: Journal Entry #13

Wild that we're halfway through the month. I think we've gotten to a comfortable place & so it's good that today is the day we get to go to the tent cities at last. I'm not sure which one put Papouch (one of the first kids to be taken in here who has since grown up and moved out), an activist for AIDS prevention that we've been connected with, is going to take us in with him. Truthfully, I'm a bit nervous but this has been in the words for some time & I trust that God is leading us. Also, today is the day mom meets with Brian back home, for the first time in 21 years. I'm keeping them both in prayer. These verses have been on my heart for the situation and healing that I pray will take place in the family...

2 Co. 5:18 - God gave us the ministry of reconciliation; has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

James 1 - when we ask, believe & not doubt that God gives generously to all (wisdom)

James 5:13 - is anyone in trouble -pray. the prayer of the righteous man is powerful and effective. confess & pray so each may be healed

Luke 6:35 - love your enemies without expecting anything back. be merciful because he is merciful

Col. 3:13 - bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance you may have against one another. forgive as the lord forgave you. and over all these things put on love, which ins them all together in perfect unity. let the peace of Christ rule your hearts.

Ephesians 4:31 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, doing away with every for m of malice. Be kind & compassionate to one another, fogiviing each othe rjust as in Christ God forgave you.

Haiti: Journal Entry #12

Morning started with an impromptu dance party with the kids while we waited for Erwin, Mama's brother, to take us to the waterfalls for our day off.

SO MUCH JOY.

Orpha seemed particular sad this morning, however. None of us could figure out why.

Traveled by pickup to the waterfall. Something like 8 or 9 "guides" attached themselves to our group to take us to it. Such a beautiful place, and so refreshing. Another hour via pickup to the beach, first time we got to see/step foot in the ocean here.

Stayed until sunset. Then, back in the pickup, the girls asking to sit in the truck bed again, warm rain pouring down, and singing at the top of our lungs as the truck travel at top speeds down Haitian highways back to Port-au-Prince to be greeted by kisses from 55 children. Life is good. Sooo tired, but want to remember the gift today was.

Haiti: Journal Entry #11

Intense night of team prayer yesterday evening:

Sammy Jo - release from past

Tiff - obedience to God, not false idols

Amy & Ashley - to be more spirit filled.

Felt as if the team was restored in spirit and a heaviness that had been sitting on us lifted.

Robbie is so full of joy - it's beautiful to see.

Burke is so gentle.

Kellen so obviously gaining strength in his identify in Christ.

Me - I just have peace. This soft blanket of peace wrapped around me. It is such a gift.

I want to come back. I feel like i"m supposed to. I keep thinking of last year, late in the Fall in just the early stages of when God was putting Haiti on my heart and how I had this dream of doing a missions trip with my family going to for xmas time on a missions trip and I'm wondering if as crazy as that sounds it could be a possibility this year. It was an idea planet way before the earthquake, way before I heard about AIM or signed up for this trip. It's wild to think I want God to use me to show these kids He hasn't forgotten them, that people won't forget them.

Haiti: Journal Entry #10

I need to start keeping track of days better.

Spent yesterday painting the girls dorm. Yellow and blue. When they got home they were eager to join in and we started singing in both languages. Emily serenaded Herbie at one point (video below). Even the little girls got involved, it was so amazing to help them take ownership over their space.

We had "girl" time last night instead of closing out the day as a group. Someone, can't remember who, decided we should have a dance party. And the girls here are ALWAYS watching us, even when we don't realize it. We thought they were in bed but slowly they came out of the woodwork and joined in dancing from everything ranging from Britney to Beyonce to the world cup song. It was so beautiful. There is so much beauty and love in this place. I feel like a broken sometimes but I cling to knowing it is true, in this home, there is love and beauty in the midst of brokenness. I close my eyes and see their smiling faces from last night.... (the video below is kind of dark but its from the first of many dance parties that were to follow).

When we arrived in Port-au-Prince, I remember getting the distinct impression/feeling of "home". Which was totally crazy, because it was absolute chaos in the airport.

But, I distinctly remember that word coming to me as we waiting in the heavy heat of the airport to get through customs... I've had so much peace this whole trip. I was telling Em that originally I had wanted to be in Haiti last xmas & how I have been thinking if God can make it happen I want to be here for it this year. And then one of the girls asked me today if we could come back.... for Christmas. I feel like I'm at home here. I know that sounds crazy to most of you... But, it's on my heart to come back, I've voiced it to Emily and Sammy Jo so far, this is the first time I'm writing it down.

The importance of not letting them feel forgotten weighs on me. God is funny because I really hated being a teenager, mostly because I hated the experiences I had with "girlfriends" at that time and yet it is the older girls that keep coming to me and I've had a huge heart softening. They're loving on me so much. I look forward to my time with them so much.... so this sense of home... could God be showing me His picture of home, family, and community? I'm learning so much both from the girls here but also from our team. There is so much love (I know, broken record, can't write, remember?). I've never been a part of something where people are so intentional about building each other up and checking each other when we stray from that. We breath life into each other daily and it is an amazing thing to walk through....

Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss♫

Haiti: Journal Entry #9

So much happens in a day here. Trying to catch up from two days of not writing...

On Tuesday (June 8th) we had our Sabbath... we went to Boutilier, a small place in the mountains. It is so much greener here than I expected and so beautiful up there... tropical, super lush vegetation and mountain views. Pastry place with Tiramisu, of all things... countryside towns gave a snapshot of an entirely different Haiti...

Yesterday we filled up the pool and spent time playing in it with the girls. There was this one point where groups of 4 or 5 of them swarmed each of us and carried us around in the pool, swirling around like human bumper cars. All the kids laughing and smiling and holding us.... Emily shouting out to me "surrender" at one point and I couldn't stop laughing... because she shared with me the other night that sometimes she is overwhelmed by the kids in her personal space and wants to scream (I love her honesty soooo much), so to let them do this to her for as long as they did (to Emily, the only girl who wont' let them braid /play with her hair) was just such a beautiful moment of surrender because it wasn't about her at all... and yet it was. God loving on her through the children, a blessing that worked both ways because they get so much joy from it... something I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around... that they're blessed by being able to love on us... and not just the other way around.... the joy in that pool was almost too overwhelming. I wish I was better at putting it into words but they just don't come out right here...

The kids keep asking me to tell everyone how much they love them. And, yesterday Marie Danielle asked if we were coming back after our month. She asked if we could come back for Christmas. I'm starting to get more of these questions from them and it is hard answering them...

Last night during team time we played the question game and someone asked us to share about our most defining moment. I was surprised to find that my answer was the breakup I went through in 2007... and explaining why, explaining the choice I had to make and what it meant brought me to unexpected tears. I didnt' expect to feel that much emotion from something that happened almost exactly three years ago. I'm confused at my heart... that there is still this hurt of abandonment of someone not accepting me, of rejection... Between that and the one that followed almost two years later (again,almost exactly to the day which I hadn't even realized) I know there is still a dark place in my heart that's has stayed hidden I wasn't even aware of... I thought it was done and over and healed... but it seems there is still a little left lurking there and I have a feeling the timing of me realizing this isn't coincidence.... that God is working something here...

Tiffany had words put on her heart for a few of us the other day... Apparently, mine was "peace". And then today Kellen told me that whenever he sees me that's the impression that comes over him - peace. That peace seems to flow from me.... wild.... because, despite everything, it's true. Its not of me at all.... yet, I can feel the peace "that transcends all understanding"... which is, as Ii said, wild because it makes no sense to be at peace here, right now in the middle of chaos and brokenness... but peace has settled over me, worked its way into to long forgotten places in my heart and settled over me...

Haiti: Journal Entry #8

I don't feel myself at all.

I told the group today that I feel like I have spiritual earmuffs on. I cant' seem to write at all. I feel completely incompetent in prayer. I am almost feeling like I"m becoming mute. I'm just to being the encourager, to having words, and right now I have none. Scripture isn't calling to my heart. I'm used to being a support person, and right now I feel like I'm not doing that.... I just have this overwhelming sense of being completely incompetent.

And I realize its possible that God may be intentionally bringing me to this place. I got so caught up in serving before I left. As if I could become good enough, worthy of love if I gave more and more of myself. And it was totally spending me. It genuinely gives me joy, but I can see it was becoming an idol. I was looking for my worth in it.

When am I going to get it?

I know that worth and fullness comes from Christ alone. Not people, not relationships, not serving others. And so maybe I feel empty because I'm not doing the things I have begun to subconsciously equate with love, with the things I have equated as my source of feeling good, with feeling loved. But I know God loves all the time. There is nothing we can do that makes Him love us more or less. I kept saying I needed to take rest in Him before I left for Haiti, but I didn't make the time for it. Never in a billion years would I have guessed that God would put me in Haiti to find His rest. I thought I was coming to serve, but I am the one who is being served here. There hasn't been much to do these past two days. Our food is prepared for us, our clothes are washed, we've barely done anything but just be with them. It's not what I expected.... I'm realizing I have no idea how to be with people without serving them, helping them, trying to do something for them...

Yesterday we ran the church service here. Some of us led songs. Tiffany read Mark 4:35 and I

was asked to explain the message. I did not want to do this at all. But I know that's probably why God called me to do it... I have never felt like the right person/competent to interpret or explain His word... I'm not sure where that comes from...

I had also envisioned playing with little kids when I first signed up for this. But they don't seem to be that drawn to me. Instead, I've been getting the older girls consistently and constantly. I feel so awkward with them. I haven't ever been very fond of teenage girls, I think it all goes back to memories of High School... would rather play with the little ones who don't really speak French than have to talk to the older girls who do. But, the team keeps pointing out that I'm the only one who can. Me, who doesn't feel like the right person to explain anything to anyone. I don't feel like I have a voice at all. But, I'm the only one ironically who can voice anything they'll understand. Maybe this is God's way of calling out these feelings that are lies I've somehow been led to believe... I have a feeling God is going to use these teenage girls to minister to my heart.... so wild.... I'm realizing I have a lot more pride than I thought, and I am being humbled day by day, hour by hour, here....

Why do I still feel not good enough? Not capable? God has made me, created me, capable to undertake whatever tasks He's set in my path. I know that is truth. So why do I doubt it? Why do I still question him all the time, are you really sure about this God? you want ME to do this?

I just don't feel like I can hear what He wants from me. Maybe I still think he can't really use me. But God can work through anyone. I have to hold on to that truth, regardless of what I feel.

I'm sitting here looking at the cracks in the walls. For all the physical brokenness, this place is so filled with love. Love lives here. Let me see and hear God in them. God isn't silent - the bible tells us that the word of God is living in active (Hebrews 4:12). I search out truths like this regularly here when I start having thoughts that I know are not truth. Maybe He just wants to teach me to listen in a different way.

caged

God loves these people. God loves these people. God loves.

For the first part of the time in our cage, these were the words repeating over and over as I stared out at ground zero, Port-au-Prince, no longer viewing it second hand through video or pictures but first hand through a metal cage on the back of a truck (I'm going to save the explanation of "the cage" for our team blog, you'll be able to read about the whole experience here http://relief.theworldrace.org/ sometime late tomorrow).

I know each of us in the cage wanted nothing more than to be able to jump out and go do SOMETHING: help clear something, fix something, start somewhere, anywhere… my heart cried out for the destruction everywhere we looked. What was even harder was that although I expected the destruction, I had expected to see some sort of clean up or rebuilding efforts underway. But, there didn’t seem to be any evidence of either. It looked as if 5 days, not five months, had passed since the earthquake hit.

The more we drove, the more brokenness God placed before me, the more overwhelmed I became by the enormity of it all. It was in the midst of this, when all I wanted was to stop seeing the brokenness, the toppled buildings, the burning garbage heaps, when I thought I couldn’t handle seeing another person living out their life in the middle of sprawling wasteland, that God reminded me that there isn’t anything which has been broken that He can’t make new again.

I was reminded of my own history, and how it was only by God completely breaking me, shredding apart every last fiber of my heart, that He was able not just to heal my own personal brokenness but give me a new heart, a heart transplant, the heart he intended and designed for me to have all along.

And this, I am convicted, is what God is doing here in Haiti. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that if then any be in Christ a new creature, the old things are passed away. Behold all things are made new. God isn’t just going to “fix” Haiti. His plans are so much bigger than that/ He is reconciling His bride and bringing His people back to Him; He is giving them a heart transplant.

All this destruction is not evidence that God has left or forgotten Haiti. The bible is the most epic love story of all time. From Genesis through Revelations it does nothing but show how far God will go to pursue humanity, even when they reject and run from Him. Even when it may look like His hand isn’t on His people. This book of Isaiah is a perfect reminder of this. After coming back from the two hour ride in the cage I sat in Isaiah 49:

For the LORD comforts his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
But Zion said,
"The LORD has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me."

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.”

What began as an overwhelming sense of helplessness for not being to do anything to “fix” Haiti, and anger that relief efforts appeared to be nonexistent (as if the world was already forgetting this place), ended with the realization that it is not about rebuilding the physical, but restoring the spiritual; the work to be done here is not about fixing, but reconciling. And, most importantly God reminded and convicted me that while some things may seem impossible or hopeless to us, absolutely nothing is too big for God – “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?”. I am filled with hope for Haiti - nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). And, without question, we have seen that God is very much present here in this, but I’ll leave those stories for another night.

Haiti: Journal Entry #7

Psalm 38:9-15

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.

My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.

Those who seek my life set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.

I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;

I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.

I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.

Psalm 34:4-7

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

Haiti: Journal Entry #6

Today we picked up the baby. He was at a tent clinic being run by the University of Miami, about 20 min away from RENMEN.

Oliver is a year old. When I met him, he was so lethargic, eyes half opened, and looked closer to 5 or 6 months of age than a year. He is so tiny. I got to hold him for the drive back and he slept the entire time.

His story... his mother was killed by a truck one moth before the earthquake. His father, Jimmi, builds houses. Their house was destroyed in the earthquake. Jimmi went from loosing the love of his life, to loosing all his earthly possessions, to giving up his son in the span of a few months. He works 6 days a week and simply can't look after Oliver. Oliver spent the past 7 days in the hospital with an upper respiratory infection and is severely malnourished....

They decided to complete the paperwork for RENMEN taking in Oliver at the house so Jimmi actually came back with us to RENMEN and so we got to hear all this in person from Jimmi.

I feel like Oliver has breathed life back into me. One little life, and such a sacrificial gift by his father to give him to this home so that Oliver will have a better life. Jimmi teared up when he left. He loves his child. He says he hopes to come seee him soon. Mama, however, tells us that many kids come from similar situations with parents who say similar things so we'll see, I guess... But what I do know is Oliver will be well loved here. He'll have a hope and a future he wouldn't otherwise have For one life, tonight, the future went from dark to light.

It was so amazing watching the guys with him. Burke and Kellen said they hadn't held babies before. Oliver kept trying to give his bottle to Burke while he was feeding him. It was so endearing. Kellen visibly teared up by the whole thing... He wondered out loud how many more like Oliver there are out there who don't end up in places like this.

He was so small. So warm... He kept squeezing my finger when I held him....

We also moved the school tent today for the children. Saw some of the foam mats that the boys are sleeping on. Really infested with bugs... we didnt' realize that's where they were sleeping, under the school tent in the yard. With the wall down in parts, they're really very exposed to the world outside of the compound, there's just some tarps covering over the part of the wall that is down on that side....

The children are still too scared to sleep inside. Even the older girls.

I met Ruben today, too. Maybe 8 years old... His head is badly scared from falling off the roof during the earthquake. He has an older woman who has "adopted" him and cares for him. I'm not sure what she does at RENMEN but I see her out in the kitchen sometimes (the kitchen is outside in the yard, the stove, oven, and refrigerator inside the house don't work). Robby was holding Ruben's hand after evening prayer & song and called me over to translate for them. Apparently, Ruben gets really bad headaches.

The scar looks like a lightening bolt across his head. At the end, the old woman asked me if Robby loves Ruben. I said we love all the children.

She said, No, does he love him and want to adopt him?

My heart stopped. A few of the kids have asked if we love them. And now I'm wondering, with her question, if they are all thinking this...

I had to explain Robby is still a medical student.

She says, What about Burke?

At this point, my heart is totally wrecked.

To have to try to explain to her... how do you respond to these kinds of questions? What do I say back to that when we are living with orphans, these beautiful children who have stolen our hearts so completely, who we would love to love indefinitely... but can't. What will it be like for them when we leave? They've never had outsiders live with them like this before... Sometimes this feels like it is too much for me.... in debrief tonight Heather brought up Psalm 12, and how God is like a silversmith, and we're the metal: the silversmith knows the silver is ready ready when the impurities are out and the silver is ready when he can see himself in it ( and the silver only gets to that point when it reaches maximum heat) and only then does the silversmith take it out.... God knows what I can handle... I have to remember that, and trust all of this is refining me...

Haiti: Journal Entry #5

RENMEN got a call this morning about a baby.Father Michel told us that two people could come with him so myself, & Sammy Jo joined him, Naidia, Magdala, and one other of the older girls to head out and pick him up. Turns out we didn't end up picking the baby up because the hospital didn't confirm while we were on the road. But, God had other plans for wanting me to go.

The idea was that while we waiting on the call we would head to the 7th Day Adventist hospital to visit Frantzy. Frantzy is 17 and was electrocuted at RENMEN one month ago when climbing a mango tree. The story goes that he asked for something to knock the mangoes down with and instead of giving him a wooden stick he was handed a metal rod. When he went to hit the mangoes, it connected with a power line and the current went in his hands and out his buttocks. It is a miracle he is alive and without any internal organ damage. However, he has to stay in the hospital apparently for another month while the skin grafts take and build back his strength.

When we walked in to his hospital room the first thing I noticed about him was his smile.

This big, bright, contagious grin spread across his face as he lay there on his stomach with his backside exposed to a room full of other patients and their family.

After everyone greeted him I bent down to introduce myself to him in French. He loves soccer, especially Brazilian teams. I learned he wants to be an engineer and study civil engineering in particular after he finishes high school. While we chatted all I could think of was how brave this boy is. He has been lying here like this for a month already in this crowded, nosey, and quite honestly dirty and depressing hospital that wouldn't come close to passing standards here in the U.S. The nurse came to speak to us and tell us that he needs to try to walk more to build up his strength so Father Michel convinced him to take a short walk with him before we left. It was only when Frantzy stood up that we could really see how thin he was. As if his skin is just hanging off his bones, barely any muscle. But it was such a special thing to meet him and so apparent from this brief visit what a light he is at RENMEN and how well loved he is by everyone there.

ALL the kids are such lights. I was thinking about how well behaved they are today. The older girls practically wait on the 10 of us hand and foot. It is extremely humbling. They greet us daily with kisses. So beautiful and touching. And after having the chance to drive through Port-au-Prince to and from the hospital I think it is because they are so loved and know how special, how exceptional, RENMEN is that they are the way they are. Because it is soooo completely opposite the world outside its walls.

It is an absolute disaster zone out there. In every possible sense. Like something out of an end-of-the-world movie. Atomic bomb going off type of movie.

It's as if the earthquake JUST happened. Buildings half standing, poles of debris everywhere. The standing water in the streets is black and smells worse than anything I've ever smelt before. The wild part is that down town, on the main street, they have kept the markets going... and I'm at a loss for how to describe it but its like no clean-up is happening, the buildings are half toppled over and people are just continuing on with the market, with life, and selling things under the overhangs/skeletons of the buildings, in the midst of rubble that looks as if it could fall on everyone at any moment. My pictures don't come close to capturing how bad it is. But it felt wrong to take pictures, so I took few of the streets...

Even the Presidential Palace, what should be the symbol of government and leadership for the country, is still wrecked, left waiting for someone to come and start to repaire and rebuild it.

I saw some tent communities but what I noticed more were the squatting-type shelters, metal lean-tos. Everywhere. Even in the middle of traffic medians people have set up these flimsy shelters, living with traffic bearing down on either side of them.

Kids bathing street side in black pools of waste water. RENMEN is an oasis here. I'm still processing everything I saw today.

I feel absolutely wrecked. It wasn't until I got back and Burke looked at me and asked how I was doing that I broke down and wept. Not just cried but wept for this place.

Where is the aid money???

Where is the help?

Where is everyone??!!

I don't see any evidence of cleanup or long-term aid to change the disaster out there.

Yet, I see God working in this community.The love these kids have for each other, their smiles, signs of His grace in the midst of devastation. I hope more light breaks through.... I think these kids are the key to any real future hope and change in this country.

I have to remember that nothing material we can give them will bring lasting hope or change here... only Christ working here is going to bring lasting change. And as I sit here I feel a breeze. I pray that the Holy Spirit will stir our hearts, stir the hearts of this nation, and bring comfort that only He can give. And as hopeless and wrecked as the streets of Port-au-Pince are I remember God's promises - Jeremiah 32:27 says: I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything to hard for me? The problems of Haiti may seem impossible to men, but they are NOT impossible for God.

And so as not to fall into complete despair, I sit here searching out His promises in scripture, hope for this place in the midst of disaster that seems to be forgotten by the world so quickly....

1 Peter 2:4

As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— ⁵you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ

Psalm 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Isiah 49:14-16

But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me."

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.

As much as I'm falling in love with these people, with this country, as much as my heart is being broken for them, I have to remember than God's love for them is far larger than I can even imagine. He's only giving me a glimpse of how His heart breaks for them. He is working here and they are not forgotten. I trust and believe in His promises.

Haiti: Journal Entry #4

.:We have been given God in our souls and Christ in our flesh. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt:. Brennan Manning

We arrived at RENMEN this afternoon, after a long, bumpy, dirty, noisy, and joyful ride in the taptap (a covered truck that you "tap" to stop).

The home is in decent shape. It's run by a woman named Florence and Father Michel (a catholic priest who comes here every 3 months from Florida and stays for a month). Florence basically turned the home in which she raised her own family into the orphanage sometime in the 90's. She takes in Haitian children who are not legal orphans - they actually mostly have living parents. Those parents have abandoned them.

They prepared a fantastic meal tonight: Haitian coleslaw (surprisingly spicy), fried plantains, some type of salad, rice & beans, chicken... Spoiled is the only word that describes how we felt.

After dinner we wandered outside to the sound of, of all things, Ricki Martin. The kids had a TV working and were sitting in the open-air courtyard watching an old concert of his.

When we approached them, we were met with curious yes and timid smiles. My heart fluttered the way it did back home when I would look at pictures and read blogs posted by teams on the field. This time I was there. I wasn't reading about it second hand. I feel so blessed to be here with them.

I went up to some of the kids and used some French to try to start to connect with them. Some of the older girls tried their English. At one point, an older girl named Caroline asked if I had met the youngest, Tricia ( two years old). I hadn't.

Caroline took me to her and I felt like it was one of the moments for which I came to Haiti; as Caroline held Tricia and had her parrot my name to me, "Mel, Mel, Mel". And then Caroline said "tell her Je t'aime" (= I love you).

My heart burst as I heard Tricia sleepily mumbling these words back to me. I asked if I could take Tricia and this soft, warm, baby curled right into the crook of my neck without hesitation.

Je t'aime, je 'taime, I repeated back to her as she snuggled in to me. I'm not sure how long I held her, but at one point I could feel her reaching for someone and I turned to hand her to one of the older girls.

And then I met Nella, a 19 year old with big beautiful eyes and a contagious smile, and so full of life.

She approached me speaking English and invited me to see her tent. This is when I found out that they were still sleeping in tents, after 5 months, and still not back in their dorms (I later learned the girls dorms are structurally sound but they were still too scared to sleep inside). Leading me by the hand I walked past a gate and into the courtyard where the relief tents were set up, about 6 of them in a circle raised on cinder blocks. All I could think of was her hand holding mine and this touching gift of eager friendship. We walked back to the TV and other children, still hand in hand.

The most moving moment of this first day came when Tricia ended up back in my arms and we were somehow being carried by a wave of children moving us back towards the sleeping tents and we formed a circle with them. Sammy Jo ended up in an inner circle with the little ones, the rest of us making a larger one around them. And then the singing started.

I can't even begin to describe how beautiful it was. In French. I could make out some of the words, and they were singing of inviting Jesus into their hearts. I looked up the words later this evening and this is what they were singing:

Viens dans mon coeur!

(Into my heart!)
Oh, viens dans mon coeur, chère Jésus,

(Come into my heart Lord Jesus.)
Viens des ce soir, viens pour toujours,

(Come in tonight, come in to stay,)
Oh, viens dans mon coeur, chère Jésus.

(Come into my heart Lord Jesus.)

And then, in French, they recited Psalm 23, the Lord is my shepherd, by heart. Psalm 8:2 came to mind almost immediately - From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise.

All the while, Tricia in my arms looking around at the children and moving her lips, making sounds in time to their words. Then, her head down nestled into my neck and my eyes closed, I swayed as they continued to sing and said my own private prayer of thanks for being able to share this moment with them. and to believe, and hope, and love with God in my soul and Christ in my flesh.

And I have nothing but hope in God's promises right now - that he will make things right for these small ones, the hope for Haiti - the Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion (Psalm 116:5)