Haiti: Journal Entry #6

Today we picked up the baby. He was at a tent clinic being run by the University of Miami, about 20 min away from RENMEN.

Oliver is a year old. When I met him, he was so lethargic, eyes half opened, and looked closer to 5 or 6 months of age than a year. He is so tiny. I got to hold him for the drive back and he slept the entire time.

His story... his mother was killed by a truck one moth before the earthquake. His father, Jimmi, builds houses. Their house was destroyed in the earthquake. Jimmi went from loosing the love of his life, to loosing all his earthly possessions, to giving up his son in the span of a few months. He works 6 days a week and simply can't look after Oliver. Oliver spent the past 7 days in the hospital with an upper respiratory infection and is severely malnourished....

They decided to complete the paperwork for RENMEN taking in Oliver at the house so Jimmi actually came back with us to RENMEN and so we got to hear all this in person from Jimmi.

I feel like Oliver has breathed life back into me. One little life, and such a sacrificial gift by his father to give him to this home so that Oliver will have a better life. Jimmi teared up when he left. He loves his child. He says he hopes to come seee him soon. Mama, however, tells us that many kids come from similar situations with parents who say similar things so we'll see, I guess... But what I do know is Oliver will be well loved here. He'll have a hope and a future he wouldn't otherwise have For one life, tonight, the future went from dark to light.

It was so amazing watching the guys with him. Burke and Kellen said they hadn't held babies before. Oliver kept trying to give his bottle to Burke while he was feeding him. It was so endearing. Kellen visibly teared up by the whole thing... He wondered out loud how many more like Oliver there are out there who don't end up in places like this.

He was so small. So warm... He kept squeezing my finger when I held him....

We also moved the school tent today for the children. Saw some of the foam mats that the boys are sleeping on. Really infested with bugs... we didnt' realize that's where they were sleeping, under the school tent in the yard. With the wall down in parts, they're really very exposed to the world outside of the compound, there's just some tarps covering over the part of the wall that is down on that side....

The children are still too scared to sleep inside. Even the older girls.

I met Ruben today, too. Maybe 8 years old... His head is badly scared from falling off the roof during the earthquake. He has an older woman who has "adopted" him and cares for him. I'm not sure what she does at RENMEN but I see her out in the kitchen sometimes (the kitchen is outside in the yard, the stove, oven, and refrigerator inside the house don't work). Robby was holding Ruben's hand after evening prayer & song and called me over to translate for them. Apparently, Ruben gets really bad headaches.

The scar looks like a lightening bolt across his head. At the end, the old woman asked me if Robby loves Ruben. I said we love all the children.

She said, No, does he love him and want to adopt him?

My heart stopped. A few of the kids have asked if we love them. And now I'm wondering, with her question, if they are all thinking this...

I had to explain Robby is still a medical student.

She says, What about Burke?

At this point, my heart is totally wrecked.

To have to try to explain to her... how do you respond to these kinds of questions? What do I say back to that when we are living with orphans, these beautiful children who have stolen our hearts so completely, who we would love to love indefinitely... but can't. What will it be like for them when we leave? They've never had outsiders live with them like this before... Sometimes this feels like it is too much for me.... in debrief tonight Heather brought up Psalm 12, and how God is like a silversmith, and we're the metal: the silversmith knows the silver is ready ready when the impurities are out and the silver is ready when he can see himself in it ( and the silver only gets to that point when it reaches maximum heat) and only then does the silversmith take it out.... God knows what I can handle... I have to remember that, and trust all of this is refining me...