So much happens in a day here. Trying to catch up from two days of not writing...
On Tuesday (June 8th) we had our Sabbath... we went to Boutilier, a small place in the mountains. It is so much greener here than I expected and so beautiful up there... tropical, super lush vegetation and mountain views. Pastry place with Tiramisu, of all things... countryside towns gave a snapshot of an entirely different Haiti...
Yesterday we filled up the pool and spent time playing in it with the girls. There was this one point where groups of 4 or 5 of them swarmed each of us and carried us around in the pool, swirling around like human bumper cars. All the kids laughing and smiling and holding us.... Emily shouting out to me "surrender" at one point and I couldn't stop laughing... because she shared with me the other night that sometimes she is overwhelmed by the kids in her personal space and wants to scream (I love her honesty soooo much), so to let them do this to her for as long as they did (to Emily, the only girl who wont' let them braid /play with her hair) was just such a beautiful moment of surrender because it wasn't about her at all... and yet it was. God loving on her through the children, a blessing that worked both ways because they get so much joy from it... something I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around... that they're blessed by being able to love on us... and not just the other way around.... the joy in that pool was almost too overwhelming. I wish I was better at putting it into words but they just don't come out right here...
The kids keep asking me to tell everyone how much they love them. And, yesterday Marie Danielle asked if we were coming back after our month. She asked if we could come back for Christmas. I'm starting to get more of these questions from them and it is hard answering them...
Last night during team time we played the question game and someone asked us to share about our most defining moment. I was surprised to find that my answer was the breakup I went through in 2007... and explaining why, explaining the choice I had to make and what it meant brought me to unexpected tears. I didnt' expect to feel that much emotion from something that happened almost exactly three years ago. I'm confused at my heart... that there is still this hurt of abandonment of someone not accepting me, of rejection... Between that and the one that followed almost two years later (again,almost exactly to the day which I hadn't even realized) I know there is still a dark place in my heart that's has stayed hidden I wasn't even aware of... I thought it was done and over and healed... but it seems there is still a little left lurking there and I have a feeling the timing of me realizing this isn't coincidence.... that God is working something here...
Tiffany had words put on her heart for a few of us the other day... Apparently, mine was "peace". And then today Kellen told me that whenever he sees me that's the impression that comes over him - peace. That peace seems to flow from me.... wild.... because, despite everything, it's true. Its not of me at all.... yet, I can feel the peace "that transcends all understanding"... which is, as Ii said, wild because it makes no sense to be at peace here, right now in the middle of chaos and brokenness... but peace has settled over me, worked its way into to long forgotten places in my heart and settled over me...
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